If you listen carefully you can hear the whisper of a hint of a voice, nudging you in the right direction. Or you can choose to ignore it. Let me explain. I have had many ups and downs and lefts and rights in my life and if it hadn’t been for an excruciating divorce, I would probably just be another sheep in the herd.
I used to be so much more naive. I would put all of my goals in the backburner by getting sucked into tv, partying and drinking. I would watch soccer in the morning and football in the evening, and fill my body full of American junk food. Pizza, bread, pasta, snacks, and desserts all have such an appeal until you learn what your body is capable of without them. Yes, all of this is connected.
I met my first wife in 2015, while she was traveling in America from Italy, and married her in a matter of months. She was sweet, sexy, and brilliant. However neither of us were prepared for the immigration process. It made her feel trapped and therefore, I was at fault. And it made our relationship very difficult, but the challenge forced me to grow. And we grew in different ways. We took time apart a couple times towards the end of our 3 year marriage, but we were simply no longer on the same page. As a last ditch effort to save our marriage, I jumped on a plane last minute to Italy to help her go through some medical issues and after day 2 it was clear that it was a mistake. I was stuck alone in Italy for the next 3 months. Poor, lost, and humbled.
Valentina gave me a key to her apartment in Bologna and sent me off on the train. The first week was absolutely miserable, alone, realizing how alone I was, and with nothing to come back home to. If it wasn’t for the guitar I had purchased on a previous trip to her parents house I would have probably drank myself to death. So I played until my fingers bled, then grabbed a notebook and started writing. Not about much of anything, just started letting the words flow as they came.
This was the start of a new me. Right then I felt the openness allow something new inside of me. I don’t know how to explain it but once you know, you hear about it from so many successful people there can’t be a coincidence. So I followed that flow, and started writing about my personal growth. That led me to realize my passions: nature, health, wellness, family, experience, and my hobbies. And no it’s not that simple, it takes a lot of writing, determination, and desire. From there, I focused on what kind of impact I want to have in this life and upon whom.
Life is a journey. If I hadn’t almost died a few times in an array of ways, or gone through a painful divorce, I probably would have given up on any kind of “American Dream” with a job where I am my own boss and have a place where my lover and I call home. For the last 3 years I have lived in my van which I built out myself and started pursuing my own happiness. I would store some things in storage or at a friends house (yes I realize how lucky I was for that). I would shower at the gym and worked every single morning at the coffee shop, trying to pursue some ideas that I thought could be profitable.
My first baby was Smeezy. It is a social media platform with the ability to barter your things and services with people around you. In theory I still think the idea has potential, but it is incredibly difficult to build a website and keep up with the technology today. I worked on that project for about a year and a half and have a permanent addiction to coffee because of the amount of time I spent at Java Station.
A fisherman moved into my friends house where I was storing some of my things and while I was hanging out there, he kept asking if I would start a business with him. He saw my inspiration and drive building the Smeezy website/app, and wanted to “fund” a project where he could work with me and start to save some of his money. I say fund in quotes because captains of fishing boats can make a lot more money than you would expect, however his problem persisted and he would buy Cadillacs and cocaine at the end of his trip and have nothing left for his pocket or child-support payments. We came up for the idea of Salty Brothers together, however he didn’t have the time or money to actually become a brother. I still love this dude to death, but he left me a considerable amount of debt from starting this endeavor and disappeared out to sea. Apparently there are a lot of people who he owes money besides myself.
Which takes me to now. I have a beautiful shop on State Street in Santa Barbara where I am building a business that could actually be profitable. In 2020, the year of the pandemic, I quadrupled my sales from 2019 which is when I formed the company. I made my first batch of soap in 2018 and hope to make a quality hard-earned living with this hobby in just 3 years.
See, if I hadn’t started journaling or focusing on my growth I would have kept repeating the same mistakes in relationships and life. Will you choose to hear the whisper of a hint of a voice, nudging you in the right direction?
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