By Eileen Fauteux
Preface by William: Eileen is my cousin and she is one of the most inspirational people I've ever met. She was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma (a rare form of cancer) when she was just 20 years old. She has grown tremendously from this experience and used it to inspire herself and many others around her to become the best they can be. To hear more about her story check out this article on the Children's Cancer Foundation Website.
"The F Word"
As some of you may know, I’ve dedicated all of my time and energy into obtaining my Master of Science in Physician Assistant studies for the past 25 months. Countless nights of tears wondering how to stay motivated, countless days of wondering if I was smart enough, countless hours spent at a desk reading more than I’ve ever read before. Bottom line is, PA school is no joke. But guess what? I freaking did it. After receiving my last dose of chemo on November 20th, 2016 I fell asleep that night in a puddle of my own happy tears. Countless nights of tears wondering how to stay motivated, countless days of wondering if I was strong enough, and countless hours worrying about what my future looked like. Bottom line is, going through cancer treatment is no joke. But guess what? I freaking did it. I’ve always wondered where my motivation comes from, haven’t you? Why do we do the things we do? Why do we choose to suffer through difficult times when we could choose an easier path toward a different goal?
Because…that is what we were born to do. We were born into this world to challenge ourselves every single day for the betterment of others and ourselves. We were born with an innate desire to be better, do better, and create better things during our time on this crazy planet. I know I’m getting philosophical, but it’s true! When looking back at all of the things I’ve experienced in 23 short years, I’ve realized the common denominator that has made me who I am, given me unforgettable experiences, and placed me where I am today. Internal motivation.
Write down a list of the top 5 worst things you’ve had to go through in your life. Now, take a second and place them in order 1(worst) to 5(least worst). Seriously... do it before you keep reading.
Was this difficult? Because for me it was extremely difficult to organize them to which terrible times I thought were worse than others when all were compared. If you think back to all the horrible memories you just wrote down, what made them so difficult? Was it because they pushed you to your mental limit? Did you need to figure out how to live without something/someone that left you too soon? Feeling angry, sad, depressed for no darn reason? I’m going to share what I believe is the root cause of every single time I have felt as though my world was collapsing. You may just find it to be the root cause of all five things you just listed on that piece of paper.
Failure.
The fear of failure shakes us to our core, more than anything in this world. The fear of failing to complete my treatment… failing out of PA school…failing to impress my family…failing to provide for my relationships…. failing to be strong despite horrifying medical diagnoses... failing to say goodbye to loved ones before it was too late…failing to be strong for my family…failing to move on after that relationship…. failing to continue a life without a loved one…failing to live life to the fullest…. failing to follow God…failing to get out of a depression…. failing to live a life for those that can’t… failing to make enough money to support a family… failing to provide enough love and support to loved ones… failing to forget the unforgettable...
Any of those hit home for you? Well, I can assure you that you are not alone with the fear of failure. I live with it every single day. But guess what? The very thing that shakes us to our core and effects our emotions more than anything, is the same thing that drives our ‘internal motivation.’ If we did not have this fear of failure, we would all be living completely different lives than we do now. So, when you are faced with a horrifying situation that shakes you to your core… embrace it, allow yourself to naturally feel emotions, and rethink this time of adversity as a challenge to better yourself and those around you. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine surviving a year of chemotherapy and graduating from PA school under the age of 24.
If you love your fears as much as you hate them, you may find yourself stronger than you ever thought you could be.
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